Working Through FOMU (Fear of Messing Up)
This morning I opened up a sketchbook after being sick for a few weeks.
I found myself staring into space for an idea, my mind just as blank as the page before me.
I drew a few shapes in an attempt to jumpstart my creativity, but felt my inner critic sneak into the room.
You ever make a mark on a piece of paper and feel immediate disappointment?
My thoughts go in this direction….of all the things I could have written. Of all the choices I could have made - Why did I do that?
I can’t believe I’ve been on the Earth for almost six decades and still suffer from FOMU, the Fear of Messing Up.
Why, after years of being a therapist, years of my own therapy, and years of extensive practice is this still happening? My friend reminded me that it is a life lesson… which means it is something I will need to continue to learn, over and over again, like forever!
We all know that consistent practice makes things easier and easier over time, but sometimes even the practice is a challenge. And I avoid it.
Just one pile of my sketchbooks.
If you look around my studio, you’ll find lots of pretty sketchbooks of different sizes piled on bookshelves and tucked away in cupboards and drawers, but if you open them up, you’ll see my secret.
Most are filled with blank pages.
Why? I’ve repeatedly tried to start a regular sketchbook practice, but, to be honest, the majority of them just sit there, accumulating dust. Because when I open them and see the first blank page staring back at me, I tend to freeze.
How can I be so scared of a blank piece of paper?
Or a beautiful blank canvas?
Well, I think it’s because of all the vast potential. The potential for something good to happen, which I have to make happen. And the potential for failure, which I am often afraid will inevitably happen when I sit down at my art table.
As soon as I sit down with a sketchbook, I’m suddenly acutely aware of its finite number of pages and how expensive sketchbooks can be. I’m suddenly so worried that I will waste the page or the art supplies I use to fill it!
My mind can’t help but replay the Instagram videos I’ve seen of artists flipping through their completed sketchbooks with polished art pieces that they’ve made with their seemingly endless supply of creativity and perfection.
I can’t shake that nagging pressure to create a beautiful product to show everyone what a great artist I am, too.
In addition to that, I come from a long line of neat freaks and feel more relaxed in a clean art studio. After I organize all my stuff and sit down with a clean, open notebook, it feels like I'm in danger of just making a pointless mess, which to me, equals stress.
Not a great way to kick start the creative mind, huh?
This anxiety and fear of criticism are incredibly hard to shrug off in order to begin making art.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
I don’t imagine I’m alone in my anxiety about messing things up.
But here are a few ways to work through this FOMU and put pen to paper and paint to canvas.
In case you are experiencing FOMU as well, I hope you will find them helpful, too.
First, I give myself a few mental reminders –
I find it helpful to thank my inner critic for her input but remind her that I don’t need her now. I remind myself that I’m an adult sitting in my own house in my art studio, not in my childhood bedroom worrying about getting my parents’ approval.
Using palette paint and reminding myself it’s just paint and paper.
I express gratitude for art and the opportunity I have to create some, but I make the decision to leave my “taste” at the door for the moment.
I remind myself that artists usually just show their polished work on social media anyway. I don’t have to post mine on Instagram, although I might, just to show other artists that not all sketchbooks are filled with masterpieces.
I remember my intention for the sketchbook practice. I’m not going to sell it or send it to a gallery. (But let me know if you’re interested!)
I remember a lesson I learned from my talented mentor, Mati McDonough—I can add layer after layer until I’m satisfied.
The pages can be a foot thick or more! Limitless layers!
Ultimately, I like to remind myself that I want to set a healthy example for my grandchildren so that they will approach art with bravery and confidence.
My four-year-old grandson already hates making a mess with gluesticks, so we are practicing together!
Putting Paper in its Place
The value is not actually in the paper - but in the process.
Paper – no matter how blank it is – is not quite as precious as my mind would like to think it is.
You would think that I was sitting with my last piece of paper ever – unable to afford any more.
If people had thought paper was so precious since the beginning of time, when much of paper was made of parchment, nothing would have ever been written or drawn.
The value is not actually in the paper, but in the process. It’s not like I’m just crumpling up papers and throwing them out the window.
I’m using the paper to experiment and learn.
I don’t feel this stress when I write my grocery list! And why? Because when I’m doing that, I know what to do. It’s routine. I have a plan. I’m in active mode.
Here are some helpful things that help me switch into active mode when making art:
Setting an intention to work on my bird shapes gives me a creative focus and helps me get into the flow.
Setting a new intention for a sketchbook (to try new supplies or new techniques, or to use up leftover paint on a palette).
Buying sketchbooks when they’re on sale or in bulk so I don’t have to worry about wasting money (while I’m trying to make a masterpiece over here)!
Using sticky notes to scribble some bad ideas and get them out first so I don’t have to worry about that! Or better yet, writing negative thoughts on the sticky notes, crumpling them up and tossing them in the trash.
Taking breathing breaks to slow down and refocus on my purpose.
And finally, repurposing old books and painting or collaging over the pages.
Intentionally make a mess of it –
We all know it’s easier to jump into the deep end of the pool than to try to ease painfully down step-by-step.
Be afraid and proceed anyway. Fake it ‘til you make it. Just do it.
Let the feelings wash over you until they dissipate, like ocean waves.
We want the “good” feelings to stay and the “bad” ones to scram, but the truth is that no feeling lasts forever –and they’re all valuable teachers.
Sometimes, when I try to make a mess, there is a beautiful result.
So, what I do is I decide to make a mess.
I decide to make it good and “ugly”. To get the ugly stuff out of the way so that beauty can follow.
Learning to love cut and paste time with my grandson for homeschool! Even when we get glue all over our hands.
The other day, while homeschooling my grandson, I told him we could save the pasting activity with the glue stick for last.
But he surprised me by saying,“No Grandma, let’s do it first so we can get through it.” And we did. With glue all over our fingers. And we were just fine.
My goal now is to go from FOMU to MOMU – The art of Mastering of Messing Up!
To look at blank paper and not see the potential (unknown and scary!), but instead, see a playground of discovery where I can find my way to the art that wants to flow out of me.
To be able to make a mistake, take a wrong turn, draw something really ugly – notice it– and move on without feeling like a failure.
To see every mistake as a way to learn “Okay, I don’t like that, but it’s not a condemnation of my talent.”
To know deep down that life is messy, but without messes there would be no life.
Imagine a house with every single item in its proper place, not a speck of dust or dirt, plastic over the furniture to keep it in mint condition.
Who wants to spend time there?
Definitely not a fun place to live.
Instead, I want to celebrate messes everywhere – especially in my art room.
Because without them, I wouldn’t be able to learn, grow, and live life in full bloom.
Thanks for reading! Now, go make a mess!
XO Rebecca